She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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