Already got asked if we're dating
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
