Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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