I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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