no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
