so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
