Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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