Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I think I am morally bankrupt
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
