And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
