Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
