Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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