Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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