Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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