Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
