she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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