Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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