you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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