you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
