wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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