i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
