Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
