Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
