shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
