I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
