I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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