So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
