it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
