Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
My penis needs a shock collar
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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