Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
