How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
