I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
