belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
