So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
smell my finger.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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