I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
