It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
