how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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