She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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