I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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