Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
