my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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