In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
