Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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