he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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