you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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