Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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