Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
