he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
