I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
