so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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