I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
