this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
